The past 2 years for me were full of intense changes which finally leaded me to a point where I had to make a strict decision: to follow a very different direction in my life – in many ways. To follow my own sincere way. During my transformation process – which was actually (and still is) a rebirth process, I started to find the answers to the following questions: where are my motivations and desires coming from? Why do I like certain things, people, environment? Why do I follow a certain path? What are my roots and basics in my life where I can grow from?
I am travelling far away from my ‘geographic’ roots for an uncertain period of time. But what are my real inner roots, my source that I can lean on and use as a resource in my life wherever I go?
During packing my past life into boxes, and selecting my things I found a couple of old family photos that gave me the answers for the questions above. Even if I lost the biggest part of my family – mainly from my mother’s side – I could recognize that huge love on the photos that connects us continuously. This is what I call the line of love. On these photos I found a lot of gestures between my family members that became a part of me too. Recognizing the different forms of love and care inbetween the generations of my family I found that we have a continuous flow of love that will never stop – we inherit it from each other and spread it all around us. It is a resonance, flows like the waves of the ocean. Everything that I saw on the photos are part of myself, my personality. They really live inside of me in the different forms of these resonations. They are my resource, that I can connect anytime and anywhere. And hopefully giving it towards my future family.
Just to mention some of these resources: joy, the love of touching each other, caring each other, sensitivity, the love of story telling, songs, dancing and nature, the courage of expressing love in many ways, faith, and laughing a lot. This is my heritage from my family. These are the links between us, these are the roots that helped me so far in my life to create and go on, and will help me on the way further. I am looking for and wishing for the same emotional environment that they created around me when we were together. God bless my parents, my grandparents and all my ancestors who gave each other so much love and care that nourished my soul indirectly and directly to be the one who I am today. Everyone of them loved me in a different way – they did their best on their own unique way. Whatever schools I had, whatever informative knowledge I gained during my life, my family was the one who gave me the basis through their love… So now I am not afraid to travel anywhere.
My destination is Greece, which is not an accident. This is the country where I have found my family’s values during the travels of the last 8 years. Of course – I am looking for the love and values of my family in the world, as I am missing them so much. Maybe I need to leave now to experience these values far away from the geographical roots to be my real self and understand myself more and more.
*** *** ***
The women’s line – My great grandmother in her traditional costume from her village with my mother in Budapest:
My mother with her mother:
My mother with her father (the one grandfather of mine who were telling me tales before sleaping):
My mother with his brother:
Me with my beloved grandfather, who were not only reading tales and stories with great passion, but he had his own amazing stories in his mind which I was listening with big big admiration as a kid. He had a big effect on me to be an adult who has a huge appetite for stories and storytelling.
My amazing grandmother (my mother’s mother) was the first person who gave me a bath after my birth, the one who was singing lullabies for me every night. There is not enough space to mention all the different kinds of love and care she gave me until her last breath:
Me and me father’s father: 🙂
In my mother’s arms – it was long time ago when I saw her last time, and she is not with me in the physical dimension any more, but I wish I could be a beautiful, amazing mother like she was:
With my father – who I can count on anytime:
My grandmother (my mother’s mother) in white headkerchief on this photo was a nurse of old and sick people from her early ages until she was able to do it. For me her example is the best example of service and humility.
My great grandmother from my mother’s side – the love of plants, flowers and nature is a part of our women’s line:
My mother’s mother again – singing, dancing and laughing even when the time is hard – I have learnt all from her. We could laugh a lot together despite of the age gap we had between us. She was always very honest with us, she had no taboos. We could talk about everything in life, about our problems. She always took us serious, she never judged – whatever we’ve done. This is the meaning of home for me: to accept each other and being accepted unconditionally.
And she was worshipping Mother Mary in the catholic community of her village since childhood. She had a really strong faith. And this is also an example for me: the strong faith. But not religion, not dogmas, just the faith itself and the respect for the bigger powers around us.
Hungarian shaman song – which is untranslatable, but I give a try:
“My grandfather from the sky sitting on the stars
Walking over the clouds looks after my spirit
Thick fog hiding the landscape – I cannot find my spirit.
I open my heart finally – this is how I find my spirit.”
“Nagyapám az égben csillagszekéren
Felhők fölött járva lelkemet vigyázza.
Sűrű köd a tájon, lelkem nem találom.
Szívemet kitárom, lelkem így találom.” /magyar sámándal/
találd meg amit keresel! 🙂 (L)
Pingback: A szeretet fonala – útravaló magamnak | Ilios art